Friday, May 9, 2008

Project Domestic Conquest: Day One

Yesterday I began what I call Project Domestic Conquest, which basically means that I’m going to learn cooking, shopping, cleaning, and other housewifely tasks even if it kills me. I put the “conquest” bit in there because it attracts my inner warrior princess, and my inner warrior princess is the only one of the many facets of my personality who has any ambition. My inner German, for instance, just likes to eat bratwursts, she doesn’t really like being industrious.

But I digress. Yesterday’s first lesson was How to Buy Bananas on Sale. It entailed the following conversation:

Mom: So there’s this ad that shows bananas on sale for eighteen cents a pound...

Me: Where? What ad?

Mom: They should have some inside.

Me [slowly]: So I need to go inside and…get…an…ad?

Mom: No, the ad just explains that we’re coming here today so that you can get them for eighteen cents, limit five pounds.

Me: Okay, then tell me ‘Get five pounds of bananas’. Simple, concrete instructions. None of this extraneous information about why we’re here. This isn’t metaphysics.


As you can see, my grocery shopping skills are nothing to write home about. But! I did manage to get two bunches of bananas, one ripe and one slightly green, and when I put them on the scale they weighed in at 4.9 pounds and the little old lady waiting to use the scale complimented me on my good eye. So I am not entirely inept once I am armed with my simple, concrete instructions.

Then we went to two other stores. At the first one I was helping the Sister buy a Mother’s Day present. So I asked a friendly sales associate where the [things I shall not blog because my mother reads this] were and she told me. So the Sister and I found them and then went and browsed the electronics section, where she found a new Nancy Drew computer game. We got that too. Then we got some pop. It cost something like $40.10 and I was very proud of myself, but I got in trouble afterwards with Mom because apparently “Don’t let her spend more than $40.00” is secret Mom-code for “Don’t let her spend more than $40.00 and make sure she buys herself some food.” Again with the lack of clear instructions.

At the second one we were getting a Mother’s Day present for Grandma and then Sister and I went and got cards for Grandma and Mom. I thought it would be simple to find the card aisle a few days before one of the biggest Hallmark holidays of the year, but it was not so simple. So I accosted another helpful sales associate (that’s what we pay them for, after all) and got directions to the card aisle, where we found two cards that struck the appropriate tones. Then we checked out.

With the life-sucking task of shopping (can we tell someone doesn’t like to shop?) out of the way, we were able to go home and I relaxed a little bit before helping Mom with dinner. I made the mashed potatoes. I’ve been making mashed potatoes since I was old enough to put a pot of water on the stove, so that wasn’t much of a Domestic Challenge. After dinner Sister and I washed dishes (well, I washed and she dried) which is another thing I’ve been doing for years and hasn’t been much of a Domestic Challenge since I figured out that the way to prevent one’s hands from becoming scaly and reptilian is to wear gloves.

Then I IMed with the Three Anachronisms most of the rest of the night. No, that’s not in any way related to Project Domestic Conquest, unless you count the fact that Scott is the one who inspired me to get my act together on the domestic front. Anyway, I was able to catch up with Scott after having not seen him in two days (*pine*) and meet Ambrose and get to know Mari a little better. All in all, a very nice night.

2 comments:

Shakespeare's Cobbler said...

"It cost something like $40.10..."
The whole purchase, I take it, not just the pop.

"...and my inner warrior princess is the only one of the many facets of my personality who has any ambition. My inner German, for instance, just likes to eat bratwursts, she doesn’t really like being industrious."
Oh? You mean your hopelessly romantic facet isn't considered ambitious? 8^) And I find it surprising, given that you're more German than I am, that your inner German would be smaller than mine (and admittedly mine only does one other thing -- make me stubborn at times).

I know, random stuff. All really important comments come in person nowadays. 8^)

The Sojourner said...

(ALL MY DEAR READERS: THE FOLLOWING COMMENT IS EXTREMELY SAPPY. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.)

The only ambition my hopeless romantic has is to sit and be with you. It's another facet of my personality who thinks about the hobbit hole with the 12 little geeks. And I suppose my inner German could be responsible for my stubbornness. She might also be responsible for my need to have "This is how things are done. Every time. Order must be maintained." Or that could be my inner OCD sufferer.