Monday, January 19, 2009

Reconciled

I went to Confession today. I'm very glad I did; I think that was the longest I've gone without being shriven since I got my drivers' license.

As I stood waiting my turn, I noticed a girl of my acquaintance and her boyfriend standing a few spots apart in line. I remembered abruptly, The last time I stood in this line Scott was a few places behind me.

It must have been the Monday before Fall Break. The paper wasn't publishing that week, so I had the evening off. After eating dinner together Scott and I made plans to meet at the chapel around 7:30, go to Confession, and then spend the evening together. We hadn't seen each other much the 2 weeks before for reasons I won't discuss here. I'll just say that at that point the reasons had become moot and we were spending as much time together as possible. We had less than 48 hours before I left, and when I came back he would be gone.

Just when you think you've exhausted all possible places that have memories...

Then I went back to work. (As an aside: I love my job. "Katie, can I go to Confession real quick?" "Sure.") I finished up around 8:50 and then puttered for a few minutes because there was a Father Michael Scanlan Scholar event at 9.

I went to that, and took notes because, as I said when we were introducing ourselves, "I'm Megan Lastname, and I'm the secretary. I don't know how that happened." Another aside: taking minutes is LOTS easier than taking notes for a newspaper article. This secretary thing is going to be a breeze.

In between jotting down notes I proceeded to enjoy myself. Yes, there were moments when I had twinges of missing Scott. How could I not? I'm going to be at the Thursday night social this year (privilege of being a club officer), which is where he and I met two years ago. Talk about discovering new places that are chock-full of memories.

But overall I enjoyed myself. And I think that's better than where I was yesterday in terms of missing Scott. (I won't say much on that except that people don't buy the "moved by the Spirit" excuse as much when you start crying at Vespers.)

I think I realized today that this is a season. One day circumstances will change...they always do, and I can't speed up the passing of seasons I don't like any more than I can slow down the passing of the ones I do. I don't want to create the illusion here that I am suddenly magically okay with the way things are, but I do want to say that I'm trying, really trying, to approach this not with "Okay, God, when is this going to be over?" but with "Okay, God, what am I supposed to be taking away from this?"

2 comments:

Em said...

This was such a really good post, Megan! Thank you for sharing the thoughts -- the last paragraph was an especially good summation. Hope you are doing well over there at school! I miss you and shall try to epicly (word?) e-mail you again soon.

The Sojourner said...

Yes, epicly is a word. I have declared it, so it shall be.