Friday, February 5, 2010

The Scatterbrained Chef: Special Hot Cocoa Mix

Today on The Scatterbrained Chef, we will show you how to ensure that your winter will not be bleak and miserable, devoid of delicious hot drinks. We will also enlighten you as to the composition of certain essential components in other recipes.

Without further ado, The Scatterbrained Chef's Special Hot Cocoa Mix:

Step 1: Buy a gallon bucket of ice cream. The Scatterbrained Chef always purchases hers at Aldi. If you do not have this elite establishment in your area, any gallon bucket of ice cream will do.

Step 2: Eat it all. I know, it is difficult, but this life is a vale of tears and we all must have our share of suffering. Offer it up for the holy souls in Purgatory.

Step 3: Wash the bucket.

Step 4: Dry the bucket. (No, really, dry it. This is important, my dear scatterbrained sous chefs.)

Step 5: Begin measuring 9 cups of powdered milk.

Step 6: Because the biggest measuring implement you have is an 8-cup pitcher type thing, decide that it is good enough to measure 8 cups and then throw on a few more shakes.

Step 7: Pour the powdered milk into the bucket.

Step 8: Attempt to measure 1 cup cocoa powder.

Step 9: Take the drifts of cocoa powder that spilled onto the counter and brush them into the half-full cup.

Step 10: Don't worry about germs, you're going to boil this all later anyway.

Step 11: Dump cup of cocoa powder into the bucket.

Step 12: Attempt to measure 2 cups white sugar. Realize that you are leaving brown streaks in the sugar because the cup measure has cocoa detritus on it.

Step 13: Strategically scoop out sugar such that the brown streaky bits go into your 2 cups' worth.

Step 14: Pour sugar into bucket.

Step 15: Secure lid of bucket FIRMLY. Like, with masking tape.

Step 16: Shake bucket vigorously.

Step 17: Shake it some more. Yes, I know your arms are getting tired. Offer it up for the holy souls in Purgatory.

[The remaining steps are optional]

Step 18: Put a mugfull of water in the microwave for approximately 90 seconds.

Step 19: Get lid off bucket. (Removing masking tape if necessary.)

Step 20: Measure approximately 1/2 cup of The Scatterbrained Chef's Special Hot Cocoa Mix into your cup.

Step 21: Leave 1/2 cup measure in bucket. Leave mess all over kitchen. Drink cocoa.


DavidD said...

Um, if you measure the sugar BEFORE the cocoa, you won't get brown streaks in the sugar...

The Sojourner said...

But then you wouldn't be a scatterbrained chef!

Theocentrica said...

You get epicness points for using the word detritus.

Becky D. said...

Detritus is a family favorite word. It gets used almost daily in our house. Yes we must be a bit messy.

Theocentrica said...

we don't use "detritus" when describing our house... just "scary beyond all reason."