Friday, February 12, 2010

Three years forward, three years back

I got invited to apply to Franciscan's accelerated MA theology program today. If I applied and got in, I'd take 2 Master's courses my senior year and then gain automatic acceptance to the MA program proper.

It scared the living daylights out of me, that fat little envelope sitting in my mailbox. It represents the question everybody seems to be asking me lately: What are you going to do when you graduate?

I'm not even graduating for another 15 months, people. Gimme a break.

Most of these well-meaning interrogators were parents at the Father Michael Scanlan Scholar Competition. I've been helping out these past few days, and they all seem intensely interested in my plans for my life. (Ask me about the Honors program, people. Ask me about the cafeteria food. You know, something that's relevant to your child.)

Being there takes me right back to three years ago, to being a scared and shy little 17-year-old who had only the faintest inkling that her life would never be the same after those intense 24 hours. The FMSSC brought me to Franciscan; it also brought me to Scott.

I envy that kid a bit. She knew what she wanted and she stubbornly plowed along until she got it.

The 20-year-old kid knows what she wants, too, but you know what? Sometimes wanting something doesn't mean a thing. Sometimes you plow along until you smash hard up against a brick wall and not even your hard German head can break through that.

I didn't mean this post to get so forlorn, but...well, there 'tis. I know where I'm going to be and what I'm going to be doing about 3 years from now, and I envy my 23-year-old self so much at this moment. What I don't know is what I'm going to be doing a year and a half from now.

This post is all over the place, but I'm throwing it out there at least for now. Maybe I'll delete it tomorrow when I've had some sleep and things don't look so desolate, here on the wrong side of the brick wall.

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