(With apologies to Seraphic Spouse.)
This past Sunday was homecoming weekend at our correspondent's university, so she ended up driving 45 minutes to attend Mass in the Extraordinary Form, along with her roommate, Gratia Plena, and two alumni and old friends, Petrvs Romanvs and Pope Ioseph of the Apostolic See of Ann Arbor.
The forces of the enemy were no doubt at work on Sunday morning, for it was raining miserably and Petrvs was unable to find his keys. Therefore, there was much waiting in the rain while he searched, and then much walking in the rain after he found them, for his vehicle was parked in the area colliquially known as the Ninth Circle of Hell.
After our correspondent had warmed up somewhat, she enjoyed conversing with her companions about a variety of topics, with interspersed comments from Petrvs about how his keys and the traffic were going to end up preventing him from making it out of Confession before the Asperges.
Our correspondent and her companions arrived at church well before the Asperges, and Petrvs and Ioseph did place themselves in the line for Confession, while our correspondent and Gratia did find a spot in the pew, just 2 rows behind an adorable and very young infant, who did distract our correspondent with his cuteness for the entirety of the Mass. Our correspondent is very distractible, even when the very young infants in front of her are innocently sleeping.
The priest did toddle down the aisle singing the Asperges, and did douse our correspondent in holy water, but a moment before Petrvs, newly shriven, did take his seat beside her. Our correspondent was somewhat disappointed on his behalf, but reflected that at least they had made it in time for him to approach the coming Banquet with an unspotted soul.
Ioseph disappeared from the Confession line, but did also disappear from our correspondent's vision. Fear not, however, for he was located at the end of Mass and revealed that he had been sitting up front and on the opposite side of the church. But more on that anon.
There were a great many mantillas, both black and white, including two white ones upon the heads of our correspondent and Gratia. Our correspondent is not good at math, so she did not count them. She also did not ask Gratia, who is a student of mathematics, to count them, even though Gratia is good at math.
The priest did read the readings and make the announcements and preach a homily, which was almost entirely taken from the writings of St. Therese of the Child Jesus and the Holy Face, and was about the Eucharist. Properly edified, our correspondent and her remaining companions did process up the aisle and kneel at the altar rail to receive the aforementioned Eucharist.
After the dismissal, our correspondent and her remaining companions did exit the church, whereupon they relocated Ioseph and discovered several friends who had likewise chosen to attend Mass there rather than on campus. Ioseph decided that he preferred to partake of the Lunch of Peace with the other friends, and so once more abandoned our correspondent and her remaining companions.
Therefore, our correspondent and her remaining companions did retire to a restaurant famous for its Beer of Fellowship, which resulted in much ribbing of our correspondent, who is not yet of legal age to partake in the Beer of Fellowship. Instead, our correspondent and Gratia did partake of the Ice Water of Sobriety, while Petrvs responsibly imbibed a limited quantity of the Beer of Fellowship. All three did also partake of the Pizza and Other Foodstuffs of Temperate Enjoyment, and did have a very pleasant conversation on various and sundry topics. The waiter did make a mistake and bring only one bill, which Petrvs manfully paid. However, our correspondent is informed that he allowed Gratia to prevail upon him to allow her to give him money; therefore, our correspondent must at some point give Gratia money.
Afterwards, Petrvs, having imbibed responsibly, was able to convey our correspondent and Gratia back to campus. Upon noticing the deserted nature of the parking lot, he did insist upon conveying Gratia to her car, which she had out of necessity parked in the Ninth Circle of Hell. Gratia was thus able to relocate her vehicle to Purgatory with less trouble than she would have had otherwise.
Petrvs did then insist upon dropping our correspondent off at her dorm, where she did homework. Now, a day later, she must leave off this account and go do more homework.