Him: "I can't stop thinking about my thumb." [He shows me the thumb he cut yesterday, band-aid-less.]
Me: "Awww, do you want me to kiss it?"
Him: "No, I'm just wondering how long it will take to heal."
Me: "That's like Installment #15 in 'What happens when all your social skills come from interacting with 4-year-olds.' People think I'm being sarcastic, but I'm like, 'Isn't that how you express sympathy when somebody hurts themselves?'"
Him: [packs up for work]
Me: "I like four-year-olds. They don't make a lick of sense, but grown-ups don't make a lick of sense either. At least four-year-olds know they don't make a lick of sense."
Him: [funny voice*] "You know the difference between you and a five-year-old, Herman? The five-year-old knows he's a fool. He doesn't try to fit the world into these reasonable categories. He thinks, 'If a butterfly eats too much nectar, does he have to burp?' You would never think to ask that."
Me: [laughs] "Did you get that from somewhere?"
Him: "No, I'm just making it up."
*I thought he was using his Bob Newhart voice, but he claims it was a "fake gangster" voice.