Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Conversations with my husband

Him: "I can't stop thinking about my thumb." [He shows me the thumb he cut yesterday, band-aid-less.]

Me: "Awww, do you want me to kiss it?"

Him: "No, I'm just wondering how long it will take to heal."

Me: "That's like Installment #15 in 'What happens when all your social skills come from interacting with 4-year-olds.' People think I'm being sarcastic, but I'm like, 'Isn't that how you express sympathy when somebody hurts themselves?'"

Him: [packs up for work]

Me: "I like four-year-olds. They don't make a lick of sense, but grown-ups don't make a lick of sense either. At least four-year-olds know they don't make a lick of sense."

Him: [funny voice*] "You know the difference between you and a five-year-old, Herman? The five-year-old knows he's a fool. He doesn't try to fit the world into these reasonable categories. He thinks, 'If a butterfly eats too much nectar, does he have to burp?' You would never think to ask that."

Me: [laughs] "Did you get that from somewhere?"

Him: "No, I'm just making it up."

*I thought he was using his Bob Newhart voice, but he claims it was a "fake gangster" voice. 


Lady W said...

Not to be confused with the Genuine Gangster voice.

The Sojourner said...

Certainly not.

Shakespeare's Cobbler said...

I don't think any of my Italian relatives are in the mafia -- or, more importantly, if they are they haven't let us know -- so I am not permitted to possess a Genuine Gangster voice. Just an "I heard a mobster in an old movie or two, and I can kinda sorta try to do impressions" voice.