Monday, February 24, 2014

Vintage Teresa

From March of 2010:

"Megan, will you sweep wif me for a widdle bit?" She pinches her thumb and forefinger together and looks up at me with her big brown eyes. I relent.

So began our little adventure with a queen-sized bed and a flashlight.


"Megan, you have bwue eyes!"

"And you have brown eyes. They're very pretty."

(Knowingly:) "I have dark eyes."


"One, two, fwee, foe, five, sick, seben, eight, nine, ten, ten, ten, ten..."


"Megan, you have bwue eyes!"


"Dere's monsters in my room."

"No, there aren't."

(Reassured:) "Dere's onyee monsters in da movie."


"Megan, you have bwue eyes!"


"And I have bwue eyes!"

"No, you have brown eyes."

"I have brown eyes and dark eyes. You have dark eyes. Little dark eyes."

"N...Ohh, you mean I have little dark circles in my blue eyes?"


And a more serious one, from August of 2010:

One thing being indirectly involved in foster care has done for me is eliminate a lot of the "Will I be a good mother?" angst. I might not be the best out there, but trust me when I say there's a long way down before you hit bottom.

It's really easy to feel superior to the Princess' bio family, and a lot of that is justified. Maybe all of it. I won't go into details, so you'll just have to trust me again when I say her old situation was just about as bad as it gets.

Yet sometimes, like today, I sit and watch her sleeping and just start to cry because I realize that we don't deserve her either.

We're good people (she says modestly), and she's happy and healthy and thriving, and so so wanted. But there is no law in the universe that says people who have decent parenting skills and desperately want a child will get one. No rule that says they deserve one.

And we'd have to be just a little shy of Mary and Joseph to ever deserve this one--this bright, strong-willed, creative, loving, beautiful little girl. That we ever met her was mercy, not justice. That we've been allowed to know her for two years and counting is beyond what you can even ask of God's mercy.

1 comment:

Becky D. said...

Megan I love you so much!!! You made your mama cry over her tea this morning. Your words captured my thoughts so much.