Tuesday, November 11, 2014


I've had these hanging out in my browser waiting for me to write deep and thoughtful posts for a while and then I realized that's not going to happen. So, here:

1. Golden Seams: The Japanese Art of Mending Ceramics

This has been hanging out so long that I don't remember where I got it. It's interesting in its own right, but I couldn't help but think of it as a metaphor for suffering--we break, and God puts us back together, but the putting-back-together leaves its mark, and yet makes us more beautiful than we were to begin with.

I want that, or at least want to want it--to have my suffering make me into something that looks like it belongs to God.

Also, there are some people who think that God smashes us on purpose, so that he can put us back together like this (just as there were some people who destroyed pottery on purpose so that it could be repaired with gold), but I don't believe in that kind of God.

2. A Mother's Repentance

I don't have much to say about this article except that every word of it is true. For me the inciting event wasn't miscarriage, as with the author of the piece, but for a long, long time after the whole poor feeding/slow weight gain/postpartum depression mess that was the first 6 weeks of Tad's life, I felt as though I had to do everything perfectly--as if I was taking the most important class of my life and had flunked the midterm so there was no way to pass except by getting 100% on the final.

I'm getting a little better, in increments, with occasional setbacks. Because he is mine, in a million very important ways, but in a million other important ways he isn't and never will be. I made him inside of me and yet he has so many things in him that are not me, his own very big personality (trapped in a little, mostly nonverbal body for the time being) and a destiny that only he can discern. It's not my job to make his life perfect or to keep him always safe, and I couldn't even if I wanted to.

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