Saturday, May 9, 2015

Breakfast at Tiffany's

Things I believe even when I don't believe in anything else:

- If I didn't think that God was real, I wouldn't be mad at him.

- If I didn't believe that he could communicate with us, that he could show his love and everything else in ways we can understand, then I would not be still trying to understand.

(No, really; saying that God loves me but that his love doesn't look like love or feel like love or have the results one would expect of love is not an adequate answer. Try again.)

- If God is who I always believed he was (who I still believe he is even when I think I'm irrational for believing it), then he's not threatened by my anger or doubt or anything else in the tangled little knot of my spiritual life. If he God as I believe him to be (the only God I've ever wanted to believe in), he'll be waiting. Always.

8 comments:

jen said...

THIS.

The Sojourner said...

I'm not sure if I should be glad somebody else gets it or not. :p

Sheila said...

I get it too. I think if God is not big enough to handle my anger at him, he can't possibly be God in the first place.

Sometimes, though, imagining that there might be no God comes as something of a relief. Because then it all just IS, it's not something I have to be upset or hurt about.

Then again sometimes that just makes me feel like life is meaningless. So don't be me.

The Sojourner said...

That's one of the sticking points that makes me think I'm more pious than I feel--I mean, you don't feel HURT and BETRAYED because you don't have your own personal unicorn, right? And I'm sure some people disbelieve in God the way one might disbelieve in unicorns--"Oh, yeah, that's sure a nice fantasy! Too bad we live in the real world!"

(I'm more in a spot of, "Hey, I used to see that unicorn all the time! And now he never comes back! And everybody else is always telling stories about his magical unicorn visitations; what did I do wrong that he doesn't visit me anymore?!")

The Sojourner said...

I have no idea what I'm doing with that metaphor. Are unicorns real or not, metaphor-making-self?

OH WELL.

The Sojourner said...

Actually, the "What did I do wrong that he doesn't visit anymore?" has kind of segued into, "I didn't do anything wrong so maybe he's just kind of an arbitrary unicorn, or he's not as magical as everybody says, or..."

And then I have to remind myself of the basics, like in this post.

Sheila said...

This: "Hey, I used to see that unicorn all the time! And now he never comes back! And everybody else is always telling stories about his magical unicorn visitations; what did I do wrong that he doesn't visit me anymore?!"

That is EXACTLY how I feel. You see how it would feel a lot better to say, "I'm right, it's all the unicorn-seers who are wrong!" But when you are the only one left out, it's a lot easier to doubt yourself than to doubt ALL those people who say they've seen unicorns PLUS your past self whom you seem to remember being pretty chummy with unicorns. If I'm the lone non-unicorn-seer, odds are sort of against me.

The Sojourner said...

YEP.