Thursday, January 19, 2017

Mattering

In therapy lately one of the topics that keeps coming up is that I'm trying to learn how to treat myself as somebody who deserves to take up space (and not in the physical sense--though I could certainly write a blog post about being an obese woman who isn't on a diet. I'm not going to, but I could.)

I've figured out, over the years, that it doesn't work to shrink myself down to an automaton who gets things done efficiently and perfectly and who only ever asks for help in the form of delegation--to act like I don't need a teammate to help me brainstorm solutions, and I definitely don't need a friend or a lover looking out for my vague and squishy feelings.

Because of course I do. I need space for thoughts and feelings and imperfections and all the messy spilling-over bits that make me human.

It's not really a resolution  (New Year's or otherwise) because right now there's too much else going on to say that I'm going to exercise daily or get weekly alone time or whatever.

But it is possible to acknowledge, in big and small ways, that I matter. To throw a wrench in the machine that only runs if I never stop running it. To remember that being depressed and worn out and all that is a negative and not a necessity.

Today's small acknowledgement: Publishing a blog post that seems terribly rough drafty and imprecise. :p

1 comment:

Nora Roisin said...

Commendations on rough-drafty blog post. :D